Change.

Sometimes in life you just need to move on. I know... in know... easier said than done. But, Ladies... (or Gents) i think it's time we made a change, now before i tell you what changes we should make, i'd like to tell you a story.
It started with me falling in love... then being lied to and manipulated for a year of my life and loving every second of it. Then, as you all know, having my heart broken, then getting over it, then becoming friends with that person, then... i lost my brother. Losing Michael has been extremely difficult for me and i don't know where to begin. I will write a blog to his memory, but i'm not ready yet... so this is not that blog. After losing Michael i found comfort in my Ex, because he knew and loved my brother too.
I blame it on grief... i did what i told all of you not too.... I fell in LOVE again.
What I'm beginning to learn is you may NEVER get over your first love. They took your heart and therefore every part of you that makes you you. This can be very healthy if you're in the right relationship but it also can be very damaging.
In this realization that i was still in love with him, i told him in a very vulnerable moment. "I'm still in love with you. "
He said nothing.
Then he walked out the door.
I chased after him and called his name. He turned around and we hugged. i was sobbing knowing i ruined our friendship.
He let go of me and began to walk towards his car again. i was sobbing and begging, 'Please don't leave me. Please.'
It was like a movie, but in the movies the guy realizes the mistake he made and turns around when he's halfway home, finds her and kisses her, promising to never leave again.
The next day i text him saying, 'i know i was emotional last night but i stand by what i said. I love you. a lot. a part of me thinks i always will. I'll do my best to get over you again, sorry i put you in this position.' we  haven't talked since.
It might be a mystery til the end of time. and i'll be honest a part of me thinks we'll end up together in the end. I'm not perfect... i still love him, even though he's all wrong.
that's okay.
but... only for now.
it's time to make a change.

first.
you need to stop blaming yourself.
if he let you go, you'll  drive yourself crazy trying to find out why... It doesn't matter why, it happened and now its up to you to find out what happens next.

next.
cut yourself off from him.
makes it hard to move on when you text him everyday. find some friends and go do fun stuff to keep your mind busy. get into a new show (i'm currently into Keeping up with the Kardasians), pick up more shifts, volunteer etc.

last.
find YOU again.
make yourself look and feel great. hit the gym, dye your hair, spend time with God, get a new tattoo, go back to school, change careers. Focus on making yourself the best version of yourself. And once you're finally whole again there are a few things that might happen. You might meet someone new, your ex might realize what he missed out on and come back (proceed with caution, don't slip into old ways blog about that soon), or you'll be free of you ex and not care anymore and excited for your future.

I know right now.... there's no future for me in Colorado. I'm considering going to university in Arizona for a year or two. Something i'll have to pray about.
what is going to be your change?

xoxo,
Alexis

Why Can't We Be Friends?

This isn't the blog I had planned for today, but unfortunately I'm  a little under the weather.
Later this week, as in tomorrow or the next day, i'll give you the breasts blog... it's gonna be fun. :)

For now, to hold you over... lets talk about being friends with your ex.

You guys have actually asked this question A LOT. Most of you are in the situation that I am in, where you were friends before... so losing him felt like you also lost your best friend.
This is a complicated matter. My initial advice is make sure you are completely healed first.

My friend put this the best way i have heard it, when you see him, you want to feel nothing. Not happy, not angry, just nothing.

Once you get to that point, AND only then. Can you consider being friends.

Think about it this way.
Am i going to be able to see him with someone else? if the answers no, then maybe reconsider for your sake. But if your heart is ice like mine... you won't care. (I'm kidding, but i can see him with other girls)

Then it really depends on the pair of you, but you need to find out how much time you can spend together without you falling for him again. For me, only one maybe two days a week i can see him and remain relaxed.

It's a dangerous zone and has a LOT of heartbreak potential befriending your ex. So think about it a lot and don't let your guard down... maybe for some of you, don't do it at all.

OKAY later this week (tomorrow or thurs) i'll be posting a VLOG all about the BREASTS.  How to take care of them, make them look bigger, and how to love them.
So thats the real blog... this is more just of a long answer.

Beauty tip- Start exercising again. It releases endorphins, that make you happy and give you MORE energy. Also you'll feel good about yourself... and build more confidence. I'm going to start jogging 5 days a week. what about you? Dancing, Yoga, Power-Walking?

XOXO, Alexis

A Guide to Falling Out Of Love

"Don't act like i didn't fight for you.
I did.
Hard, and for a long time.
So excuse me if now that were over,
I'm exhausted."
-Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)

I think on some level it still shocks me how much he can still affect me,  but it doesn't matter. I woke up this morning enraged. I think how much of a shitty of a person he is still surprises me. I want to believe the best in him but i can't, he's hurt me too many times. I need to let go of this pathetic idea that he'll come back for me one day.
First of all. Who gives a shit?
Second of all. It doesn't matter, because either way my response will be the same.
"Only a Masochist could love such a Narcissist, and i don't love you."
Why would i keep pursing a friendship with a selfish prick? Why waste my time and energy on someone who seconds as a black hole? No. This is about me now, son of a bitch has had his turn for years! MY turn.
Either he's going to marry the girl he left me for (only knowing her for three days when they started dating... sounds like high-schoolers right?) or he is going to break up with her and run back to me. Regardless. I refuse to have anything to do with him ever again. He can consider himself out of my life. Even trying to just be his friend is so one-sided and still all about him. Much like our relationship.
I simply don't have energy to care anymore. I'm beat. He killed what was left of the good in me. And ultimately he ABANDONED me. He broke me. He's lucky i don't release my brothers on him.
The point of this blog, is i know you have moments like this too. Where your hate builds up, all the things you want to say.

There are two things i want you to do with this.

1. Remember this feeling and never look back. It's so much easier said then done and i guarantee one day many of you will have the opportunity to go back to him. DON'T. Never settle for someone who is not worthy of you. If he really wants to be with you he'll change, otherwise he missed the greatest thing that would have ever happened to him.

and

2. Write him a letter. Be honest, angry, say EXACTLY everything that you've ever wanted to say. Read it over. and burn it.
That's right. Burn it.
He doesn't deserve to know how much he holds over you and he never will, for all he'll know is you forgot he existed.
And when you burn it, let him go. You will never kiss him again, He will never hold you again, there is no future there for you two. Know that... and smile.

XOXO,
Alexis

Beauty Tip of the Day-
Do something for you today. It's time to pamper yourself, get the Royal Treatment you derserve. Get a Manicure, Dye your hair, Spend to much on a pair of heels, Take a bubble Bath:) ENJOY yourself because you deserve it.

And for those of you who were wondering... No. he does not read this blog, that would require him to notice somebody outside of himself.

Sexy Time

Part of getting over someone and/or being the best version of you is confidence, and feeling good about yourself.

AND part of that confidence comes from beauty. Now, before you start going on about inner beauty (which is relevant and we'll get to that later) consider these facts.

"-Mental Acuity, interpersonal skills, and moral goodness are all associated with Physically beautiful people.
-Beautiful People are believe by others to have happier marriages and more rewarding jobs. And the more likely they are to be hired, have a higher salary, and be promoted sooner.
-Better-looking people are more likely to marry sooner, as well as to marry people who have more money and a higher social status.
-more attractive babies have even been have even been shown to be rewarded with greater overt maternal affection."
-Dr. Oz

At the end of the day... you are just going to feel better about yourself.
I'm not saying you won't be successful if you don't make an effort (look at Bill Gates), but you definitely will be successful if you do try.

Beauty= Confidence= Boldness = Success.


Here's your beauty tip of the day,
Highlighting and contouring.

I am by no means, claiming to be a make-up artist. This is just the best i know how to do, thank you pinterest, but doing our best is all we ask of each other around here anyway :)

xoxo,
Alexis

My Heart is Broken... Now What?

Heartbreak. We've all been through it, however some wounds are deeper than others. Falling in love happens out of nowhere and naturally. Truthfully, the saying, "Love is blind." couldn't be more true. Anybody who has been madly in love and then scorned could tell you... there were warning signs, red flags, and even loved ones telling you "GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW!", and they were so in love... not only did they not listen, but they didn't see it.
Part of falling in the tangled web of love and heartbreak is not knowing your own worth. settling. ANY time you settle for less then your worth it'll lead to heartbreak.
From personal experience, i've only fallen in love once. It was great in the moment. I had a lot of fun, i learned to love someone more than myself, and i gave him everything. I loved him and gave him all of me in return for his love. You know what's funny? i never got his heart... but i'm still getting mine back piece by piece from him. Only one got hurt here. see what i'm talking about?
One day i woke up to find out, not only did he leave me, but he had replaced me. They call it a broken heart, but i hurt in my whole body. I thought he loved me, i thought i was gonna marry him, i thought wrong. It was one of the hardest things i went through... i cried, i screamed, i sobbed. I couldn't believe it. I tried to make him feel bad, i tried to manipulate him, i tried blackmail him, and in a very vulnerable, druken moment i even threatened to end my life... all to get him to care about me again. i hate that i swooped that low, but if this information helps you, the reader, to move on then there it is.

Step one. you are going to have low moments. Accept that.

All this time of reflection is good though... its part of the healing process. Just know there is always someone who had it worse and they made it.

Step two. You are going to make it.

The grieving process is different for each person, so i can't give you a quote you a 10 step plan to be over someone in 2 months, but hopefully this helps speed up the process.

Step 3. STOP TALKING TO HIM. There's time for that later, but right now stop it. NO texting, NO calling, and NO stalking. Some of you work with or go to school with your heartbreaker. DO everything to avoid them. It's necessary to the healing process... let it happen.

Now step four. Love yourself.

You're awesome and forgot that. luckily for you this blog is dedicated to making you remember that. From here on out i'll be sharing my heart, beauty tips, and ways to feel great. we're having a physical, spiritual, and mental make-over. are you excited? i am.
so get some beauty sleep, tomorrow is a new day. Also feel free to email me with specific situations and questions. I'll do my best and you do yours deal?

Beauty Tip of the Day- if you have dry skin, take a olive oil bath once a week. Olive oil is a fantastic natural moisturizer, just put in 1/4 cup of olive oil in your next bath and let it do its thing. Dry hair? dunk your head in for a bit too! best of all if you should choose to shave in this bath, you'll get the closest and smoothest shave you've probably had in a while.

xoxo, Alexis