What Does it Mean to Worship?

I have never been a worshiper. Partly because I am not musically talented in anyway. Another reason, I have never fully enjoyed or appreciated worship. I grew up in a church were 'worship' wasn't about praising God, in all honesty. Worship was more about a temporary spiritual 'high', always in a charismatic setting. Nothing is wrong with the charismatic church, that's not what i am saying; the problem with worship, or church in general, being full on charismatic, is that it lacks relationship and true passion with our Father.
This morning during praise and worship, i was convicted of my attitude towards worship. I heard my mom say once, "our family lacks worship, I asked God why and he said, 'Because you don't believe that i am good.'" That didn't make sense to me at the time, but it all came to me at once. I never had truly believed that God loved me more than life, I never truly believed God was for me and not against me, I never truly believed that I was God's daughter, his princess, his bride. It's funny, because I didn't think God was bad, judgmental, or condemning, but on the other side i didn't think God was good. In my mind God had been stuck in this vortex in the middle of good and bad, God was a gray area, inactive.
Maybe this is why in my free time i dedicated my quiet time to study of the bible solely, with little prayer and never any praise. If you don't think God is going to do anything, why would you ask for anything? Why would you praise his name?
The revelation that came to my heart this morning got me thinking. As we were worshiping, i thought to myself, "Why do we worship? What is the point?". At first, the divulgation of not believing God was good came to mind. Then I stopped thinking, and listened to the words coming from my routined lips. The song was "Everlasting" from Hillsong.


Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out



The words, the promises, I was singing before the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, humbled me in every way. "The art of LOSING myself in bringing YOU praise.", "In my heart, in my soul, i GIVE YOU CONTROL... CONSUME ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT!" It was then i realized that i was handing God the deeds to MY LIFE. I also realized that I had taken worship, and God, much to lightly. I think if the church took a second to listen to the words they promised God, they would be brought to their knees. I understand now, why King David danced through the city, ripping off his clothes, saying "I'll become even MORE undignified than this!" David got it. It's not about being charismatic, jumping around, and feeling 'good'. It's about coming before the Lord and King of heaven and earth and telling him how much you love him, "LET AND PRAISE BECOME MY EMBRACE... to LOVE YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT!". Worship is about giving your life away every day, understanding the cost of that or not, but giving your life away and diving fully into his glory! Our God is an Awesome GOD!
Lord, I am sorry for not praising you, for not loving you, for not realizing your heart. You are God, you are my friend, and you are the King of all.